


Fifty Shades of Shit

by Lapinporokoira



Category: 50 Shades of Grey - E. L. James, Original Work
Genre: Lots and lots of poop, Lots of Poop, Other, Shit Fetish, poop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-12 02:34:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3340361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapinporokoira/pseuds/Lapinporokoira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well I don't like the book and yet it still managed to inspire me to create this little list. I ran out of ideas a little. Feel free to add your own in the comments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fifty Shades of Shit

1\. Mottled Brown Sauce. Smells like sweet and sour. Best used as lubricant.

2\. Deep rich brown. Sticky and cloying. Idle as spread for the chest and breasts.

3\. Light ochre. Delicate shading. Makes for beautiful artsy designs on skin.

4\. Dirt crumbs. Earthy and rugged. Great for bedding to roll around on. 

5\. Brick. Coppery tang. Use for bloody role playing.

6\. Stringed off yellow brown. Cloying texture and rather stringy. Good for bondage games.

7\. Runny Mink. Silky And slimy. Makes a great pearl necklace

8\. Rum and Raisin. Lumpy and intoxicating. Perfect for consumption and spit sharing. 

9\. Liver lumps. Rancid and chewy. Put in pet bowl to eat whilst doggy styling. 

10\. Sepia tough. Nostalgic and long lived. This is great for making top hats and bonnets.

11\. Camel Toe. Awkward and lumpy. Great for slathering on the clitoris. 

12\. Hairy Beaver. Natural and luxurious. Men will enjoy tasting between going down. 

13\. Rust Bucket. Flaky and tangy. Sprinkle on nipples for that extra oomph.

14\. Sand block. Rough and hardy. Wipe over genitals for extra friction. 

15\. Chocolate Brownie. Sweet and full of texture. Edible anywhere and everywhere on the body.

16\. White Ice. Old, hard and sunbaked. Can be used as a dildo. 

17\. Tree Sap. This is a cloying but surprisingly sweet shit. Body painting is best. 

18\. Long dog red. This is a bright and windy type. Useful for whipping. 

19\. Pebble. Small and perfectly formed. Stick up nose to lick clean.

20\. Boulder Dash. Large and perfectly formed. Great for anal. 

21\. String bean. Beady and squidgy. Great to use in combination with Boulder Dash for extra friction. 

22\. Proud Turtle. Very firm and hard to grasp. Treat your lady with a surprised Proud Turtle in the face. 

23\. Spicy Frankfurter. Plenty of kick and flexibility. Slap your partner’s face for screams of sexual pleasure. 

24\. Squirting Lion. Soft yet biting. Facial treatment.

25\. Invisible Chestnut. Vibrant but invisible. Enjoy a game of imaginary sex. 

26\. Polka dot Seal. Yellow spotted on brown. Delicious. 

27\. Wood Bark. Rough and natural. If you want to rub on your privates please do so. 

28\. Copper Pot. Shiny and hard. Dazzle your partner with a face full of this. 

29\. Sand paper. Very ragged yet surprisingly delicate. Best for teasing nipples.

30\. Pancake. Wide spread and thin. Need a face mask this is it.  
31\. Shooters Moon. Looks like arse cheeks. Crack booty call to the face for this one. 

32\. Wind Swept Soup. Liquid like and everywhere. Swim in this one. 

33\. Cream Coloured Pony. Very cute and pretty looking. Pose with this for a great family picture. 

34\. Alien. Very unusual shape and green colour. For exotic sexual occasions.

35\. Mangled Mane. Wild and unkempt. For wild sex parties.

36\. Bread and Butter. Fluffy and light. Perfect for partying with multiple partners. 

37\. Donut. Sweet and with a hole. For men on their own. 

38\. Winged Mouse. Small but heavenly. For cuddling and kissing. 

39\. Refurnished Polish. Previously used and treated. Keep as memento of past partners. 

40\. Cowpatty. Rounded but slightly flat. For Face planting in coitus.

41\. Cherry Bash. Reddish yet still intact. A virgin specialty. 

42\. Baggy End. Kept in wrapper. For admiring on shelf. 

43\. Train slop. Very long and trodden in. For wrestling sex. 

44\. Mottled Weasel. Flecked and bitey. Extra pleasure for penis. 

45\. Creamed. Light and fluffy. Ideal for squirting back up crack. 

46\. Classical. Typical stool. Multiple sexual uses. 

47\. Twizzler. Plait shaped. For use as dildo or whip.

48\. Jelly Mould. Flexible and bendy. Makes a fine condom or for increasing penis width.

49\. Mountain. Largest known stool known to man. Climb up this beast for exercise.

50\. Rainbow Electric. Colourful and sparky. Party poop to show off to your friends in orgy bash.

**Author's Note:**

> 19/07/2016 Looking back at this I wonder why I even wrote it.


End file.
